You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
