Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
of course. lets lasso hookers.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
