i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
