I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize