I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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