I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I stole a fireplace last night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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