i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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