Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
