So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
