Your dad touched me again.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
