If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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