i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
