We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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