i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
