just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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