I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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