he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
