Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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