Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
