literally had 100 drinks last night.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
