Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
time to smoke my breakfast
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
