I think my vagina is haunted
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
