you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
