I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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