i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
