In the future we'll all be gay
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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