I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
