Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
