do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
