So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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