woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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