oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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