You're my little dorito
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
