Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
