I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Farmville is her only friend.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
