We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
