toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
