I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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