I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
