I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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