capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
