wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize