We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
