Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
