i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We need to rekindle our bromance
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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