look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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