Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
two words: eviction party
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
