I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
