Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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