i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
