good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
