OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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