you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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