i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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