Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't deserve a penis
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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