SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
