When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
