I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
