i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I could fuck to npr.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
