it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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