I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
