is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
