God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Drunk walkin through police station. America
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
