I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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