there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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