i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
