JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
