He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My Sexting was not on an AP level
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
