Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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