don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
