Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
