im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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