So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize