I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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