I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
