found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
