whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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