At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
