you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
