we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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