i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize