My friends, they love my intelligence
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
