i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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