I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
