Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
