you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
