well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
