i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
