I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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