If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
