I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
